Cultural Message that Suffering is Admirable

My sister's birthday was earlier this week. I sent her an e-card and an amazon gift certificate over email. To be fair, we did call her as well because I believe that personal touch is important when someone you care about has a special occasion. But, I felt a little guilty, like I was copping out because I sent things over the computer. You know, that's EASY. And then it hit me:

There is this pressure in society that to truly show someone you care you have to suffer for them. I think the idea that suffering is admirable in this culture started with Christianity. There is definitely an aspect to their philosophy that suffering is noble and enduring suffering helps you get to heaven. I'm not saying that Christianity is the only religion with this notion, but it is the predominating religious influence in our culture that supports that idea.

Now, I have to admit, when it comes to sending gifts, cards, etc. for special occoasions I suck. I mean, I try, and for a few years I was really good at it. Those were the post adolescent (around 25) pre child days. Now that I have two kids I am so busy with my own life that it is truly hard to think outside my self. And frankly, it is hard to get to the post office or UPS store when you work full time and have all these child activities that fill your free time. It's a pain in the ass. But, to give someone a token of my esteem by sending something online, that isn't too hard and the result is the same: they get a gift that shows they were important enough to me to remember their special occasion.

So yeah, I realized my guilt stemmed from a subtle undertone in society that if you didn't suffer, you didn't really mean it. And frankly, that's bullshit. I will try to be better at remembering all important occasions and giving important people in my life some token of esteem, because sometimes I forget. But I'm not going to feel guilty anymore for doing it in ways that keep me from suffering and creating extra stress in my life. I encourage all of you to do the same:)