Clarification

Those of you that work with me will laugh at the title. For the rest of you, I'm known as the "clarification" person at our faculty meetings. Anyway...

I need to clarify something. Based on my blogs someone might get the idea that I am this horribly depressed, dissatisfied person. That my life is going oh so horribly right now. That is not the case.

This blog is an outlet for the melo-drama. Come on...you all know me. There is a Drama Queen inside and sometimes she needs to come out. I'm Sydney; I feel intensly...always have. I am full of passion and vigor and intensity. That's who I am. I feel anger intensely; I feel excitement enthusiastically; I feel saddness desperately; I feel love extravagantly...you get the picture. I'm me. As I've grown into an adult I've learned how to control the Drama Queen. I guess it's called maturity. That is why this blog is great. It is a safe and appropriate place to be melo-dramatic.

It is true that I have been going through some kind of transition in life, but I've kind of come to terms with it. In fact, this blog has been a big part in helping me come to terms with it. I mean, that's pretty much what transition is...denial, loss, mourning, and acceptance. But transition isn't bad and transition isn't depression. Transition is a wake-up call to the things that no longer satisfy me and therefore it's an impetus to change for the better.

So, I'm ok. Even my job is not ruining my life...no, I don't love it, but I accept it and can deal. Sometimes I just need to vent.

See how much I worry what people think, what their perception is of me? Anyway, I don't really even know who reads this blog. There are a few people I know that read it. A few that I know have read at least one entry, but that doesn't mean they always read it. I think I assumed no one else did read it. But recently I've found out that others are reading it though they don't comment. So, that's when the paranoia of people misinterpreting me kicked in.

So, again, just clarifying. I'm not going to promise that I'm going to try to write about happy things more. Because frankly, the happy thoughts aren't really the ones I need to express most of the time. It's the thoughts that I'm struggling with, that are confusing, that I need to work out through writing about them...so please, don't ever think that I am not the positive, happy person that you all know I am. We all must have a dark and a light.