My New Job

I don't like it. It is that plain and simple. I do not like my new job.

Stuck in a small dark office with no window. Much less interaction with people. Sure, I observe some classes and meet with people sometimes, but I would still say that more than 50% of the time I am in my office. One of the main reasons I became a teacher is because I DIDN'T want an office job.

And the kids. Oh how I miss the kids. Yes, I see them in the halls. Yes, I see kids in other's classes. Something funny or brilliant a kid says in a class I am observing may make me smile, but it is not the same. It is not the same as having MY kids. Building relationships with them all year.

The spring is gone from my step. The radiating sunshine is missing from my face. My job used to make me happy. Now I just trudge around, getting things done for other people. Talking to other people about what THEY are doing in THEIR classrooms. This is not what I want to do.

Can't "they" see how the light has burnt out behind my eyes? I know they had an idea what they wanted, how this would play out with me. But they were wrong. And they should have listened to my wishes. They should have considered what I said, that I DIDN'T WANT TO DO THIS. Why oh why would you take someone out of the classroom who loved being there, whose students seemed to love being there?

Not to mention the mixed messages. From one angle I am supposed to be a touchy-feely coach. Only meant to ask probing questions but not give any advice or ideas. From another angle I am supposed to be part of holding teacher's accountable for using Reading Apprentice. And most the teachers want specific ideas and advice about very specific aspects of their class. I don't always have the answers. This isn't fun and I'm not really any good at it.

I'm sure there were other good Reading teachers who would have been more inclined to do this. Teachers that want to be on the path to administration. This just shows me that is not what I want. I don't want politics and over the top data analysis. I just want to help kids become better readers.

I did try to have a positive attitude when I started. And I am trying to do my best. That isn't going to change the fact that I'm not enjoying it. Hopefully, it won't last too long and I will get to go back to the classroom sooner than later.

We'll see.