There is so much in my brain, so much "blog fodder" that I have been holding onto for awhile. It usually manifests in my brain when driving. But then I get out of the car and life is on again. Therefore, there is so much I want to write. And, mostly, it interconnects so it is easy to start on one topic and ramble in many different directions. So, I definitely have a whole "thing" I want to say about old friends. And I also have a whole "thing" I want to say about the idea of a mid-life crisis. But today I am going to talk about something that combines both. Maybe that seems out of order. Maybe I should start with the two separate introductions first. But alas, the spirit moves me to write about the combined issue.
Recently more than one of my oldest and dearest friends have confided in me about important and serious events in their pasts that have led to their experience today. Though I have stayed in contact with these friends, it has been a long while since I have had deep and introspective conversations with any of them. However, it is a really good thing that these conversations are happening, especially at this moment in my life.
Things really change when you grow up. I can only speak from the perspective of one whose path to becoming an adult consisted of getting married and having kids. For those adults that have not done one or both of those things, understand that I know one can grow up and be an adult without getting married and/or having kids. But again, I can only speak to my experience.
Anyway, when I was young, even in my 20's, friends, groups of friends, cliques, best friends were still very much a part of my life. In fact, they were often the focus. Even when I had a serious significant other, still, friends were in many ways my family. They were whom I would call at 3:00 in the morning when upset. They were whom I would tell my darkest issues to analyze and discuss. In many ways they were my therapists and I theirs. But, when I created my own nuclear family, that changed. My spouse became my best friend and that is a good thing. But, the context is different. People can't have only one person to rely on for their emotional stability. Plus, how intertwined spouses lives become make it difficult to discuss and analyze in the same way they used to with friends.
I've really missed having friends like that. I've really missed the long, analytical conversations I used to have with friends. Now it is all bottled up inside and I don't really have anyone to talk to it about. I mean, I do. I have some good friends who I can talk to. But I'm a mom. I can't go over to a friend's house and sit up all night drinking wine and talking. It's just different. I miss that outlet. I miss that connection. I think not having that is part of the reason I'm having this outpouring of random emotion at this point in my life, because it has been bottled up.
So, having some of my oldest and dearest friends open the door to that kind of conversation again is wonderful. Whether I am the one confiding or being confided in, it is freeing. I'm getting to release that emotion through discussing "big stuff" with dear, old friends who really know me, my seedy past, whom I trust, and who really like me and care about me. I need that. It also makes me feel needed in a different way. Not in a mom way or a wife way or a professional way. In a personal way that seems separate from all this "other" stuff in my life. It is private. It is mine, between me and my oldest, dearest friends. And I also need them, so it opens the door for me to seek out their advice as I used to.
Anyway, this wasn't the most articulate piece of writing. There is a lot of background that goes with this relating to old friends and my mid-life crisis that would probably make all this more meaningful. But those blogs will have to be for another time. Here's to old friends...
"Time it was and what a time it was
It was
A time of innocence
A time of confidences
Long ago it must be
I have a photograph
Preserve your memories
There all that's left you"
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