Remember the days when teachers and students could have close, almost familial relationships? Kids stayed after school to get help from the teacher, teacher's would see a student walking home and give them a ride? Well, I don't necessarily really remember that myself, but I sure have read about it in a lot of books or seen it on 50's tv shows. But seriously, I did have a teacher that lived down the street from me and I would walk to her house and hang out with her. The point is that times have changed.
In the past teachers were seen as a personal connection, sometimes almost like part of the family. Then those that abused their trusted reputation ruined it for the rest of us. Now it is inappropriate to be alone with your student or give a student a ride. It is unprofessional to get too close to your students. We have over-corrected due to the abhorrent actions of a few.
Don't get me wrong, I know that truly bad things do and have happened as a result of the power imbalance between teacher and student and the implicit trust that used to be directed at teachers. I know it is real. But there are so many dangers in life, and we shouldn't suck out all the goodness and faith in humanity to protect us from the bad. Kids will fall out of trees and break their legs, but we shouldn't stop letting kids climb trees.
I had a group of students this year that I bonded with on a level that I never have before. I seriously love them so much, like I do my own children. I mean, obviously not as much as my own children, but in the same way. I would seriously do almost anything for these kids, as long as it did not impede on my own family.
I miss them this summer. I miss hanging out with them. Just as I truly enjoy hanging out with my own kids, I loved hanging out with these kids. I would love to be able to take them hiking or give them some summer work painting the trim on my house. But just my saying these things is "unprofessional" and "inappropriate".
My son became really close with his first grade teacher and he hangs out with her sometimes. She will take him to the arcade and ice cream or they will go to a play together. I'm his mom and I have no problem with that; I think it is wonderful. Yet I know that even if I had a parent's permission to hang out with a student, it would still be frowned upon. It's not safe. What if someone decided to make a false accusation or got the wrong idea? It is SO insane.
Maybe it is different because I am a middle school teacher. Maybe it is considered different at the elementary age. And, it probably doesn't help my case that this small group of students I became so close to are all boys. But, it is who I am; I've always related with boys better.
Regardless, it is a bummer that I am not allowed, at least in terms of the agreed upon mores, to have a more personal relationship with my students outside of school. Kids all over have adult family friends whom they are close to and spend time with. Why as a teacher can we no longer be one of those family friends?
I got particularly close to one family and I did give their son rides from track practice for a few weeks. Yes, I broke the unspoken rule of being in a car alone with a student. But I had the parent's permission and was doing it because otherwise the boy could not have done track, and that kid needed track. I know they trust me. I know in a way I have become a family friend. Professionally, however, I would be doing something wrong if I pursued that family friendship.
I really, really miss those kids. In a lot of ways I am not like other people. I just don't fit in to a lot of the molds of adulthood. Those adolescents complete me and my happiness in a way nothing else could because nothing else in life fits into my wacky puzzle. I know I will never be able to hang out with them outside of school. Since the year is over, I probably won't hang out with them again at all. Every year those I bonded with so deeply in 7th grade fade away into the abyss of 8th grade. But I guess my one consolation is that there will be a new batch next year and there will be some gems in that group I bond with as well until that year comes to an end.
In a lot of ways it was a really, really tough school year. But those boys just lightened my days and lifted my spirit. I am so thankful to have spent the time I did with those kids. The last day of school was, literally, when of the best days of my life. I played basketball with the boys for about 2.5 hours and then hung out with, just them, for the last half hour of the day in my room. I feel so lucky to get to experience those kinds of moments. People that don't like or understand or work with adolescents will never get it or experience it and it is pretty special that I am one of the few that does. Thank you boys! That you for the joy you brought me this year.
