My brain is completely jumbled right now. It has been for the last week or so, ever since we returned from SLC. What I should be doing is writing a "to do" list but my thoughts are so scrambled that I don't even know what to write down.
To be fair, I did just get a lot of administrivia done. I paid PSU for my 3 credit class and sent an email to my HR department inquiring how to get reimbursed and how to submit my credits so I can move up the pay scale. I filled out Mimi's school registration packet and sent it and I budgeted for the rest of summer. Now my brain is kind of burnt out and I've hit a wall.
The last week was really tough. I've felt agitated more than sad, but I think underlying that agitation is a sadness that summer is almost over.
The truth of the matter is, I'm sick of my kids. Well, that is not exactly true; I'm just sick of being with them SO MUCH, of being a stay at home mom, definitely not something I was meant to do year round. So, in some ways, it is good that it is almost time to go back to work. I mean, it IS time. Yet, that still means another summer gone by, the passage of time. It means that in a few months I won't feel the sun on my skin so often, my tan will fade, biking/hiking/camping will decrease, free time will decrease, and the stress of work will resume. So I'm sure subconsciously I am feeling some anxiety about all of that and I also think that I start to panic at this time of summer because I'm worried I didn't get enough out of summer. Did we camp/hike as much as we could have? Was I outside enough? Did I relax enough? I know it sounds weird but, seriously, I start to worry that I *wasted* my summer or didn't do as much as I should have (despite being uber busy and probably only needing more chill/relaxation time).
So, back to last week; there was a combo of pms, a missed day of meds, home from vacation and trying to get back into routine, sick of my kids, and subconscious sadness about the end of summer. The only time last week I think I was in a good mood was when the kids and I were hiking through Powell Butte. I guess I also had a pretty good time at Ski Bowl. However, I don't think I was that much fun to be with; sorry kids.
Yesterday the kids and I went on a long bike ride and that felt REALLY good. I was pretty happy yesterday because of that and I'm taking today to just get my shit together and chill so I can enjoy the rest of the week. But I'm still discombobulated from the last week, trying to organize my thoughts.
I totally blew health last week because of the previously mentioned bad mood. I'm not stressing too much about it though. I haven't weighed myself since I was in Utah, about two weeks ago. At that point I was maintaining my lowest weight, so that's good. I don't think I've made any progress since then but I think I can at least maintain where I am until I am ready to push on again.
I read a fantastic book last week. "What They Always Tell Us" just advertises itself as a YA fiction book, focused on brothers. However, it is also a book about a 16 year old boy discovering he is gay and realizing that his depression has come from not acknowledging or understanding that "missing piece" of himself. The book was so touching and realistic and dealt with multiple characters and their emotions and the realities of life not being perfect but still having hope. "...life will always be that way---fleeting happiness surrounded by the ever-present reality of life, with all of its problems and difficulties and shitty occurrences."
So yeah, there is this permeating sadness and emotional presence surrounding me, but I guess that is ok. Mainly I just want to be on my bike or hiking, as usual, but that isn't always easy with kids. Mimi doesn't just want to sit in the trailer day after day and the kids like hiking, but again, not every day. Seriously, those two things are the only two things that really fill my battery. Luckily, later this week my friend is going to watch Mimi and I am going to go on a long bike ride. Graham is in a camp this week which is kind of a good thing.
So, I don't really know what else to say. There is still fun to be had this summer such as Graham and I rafting the Clackamas on Saturday. There are still camping trips to fit in and the beginning of school doesn't mean the end of hiking, biking, and playing; the weather stays good until November. In fact I really love the way the natural world looks during fall. So, hopefully now that I have purged, my brain is untangled enough to write that "to do" list.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Who knows what number "daily" blog post...
Wow! Vacations can be very chaotic, as was the case during our Utah vacation. The truth is not all vacations are relaxing, but there is always fun to be had.
There were many golden nuggets during the vacation and I am certainly not saying it wasn't a good trip; it was. However, vacations that involve people outside our little family are always less relaxing though often exciting. I have noticed I shy away from vacationing with others. I think I'm really getting old and prefer a more calm and peaceful existence focused only on my own, immediate little family whom I love dearly.
Of course, there is always some chaos going on in our little family; we have a 4 year old. However, we know how to function as a unit. There is *usually* a flow to the way we handle the peaks and ebbs of our family time and it works and is generally very enjoyable.
I think about our coast trips and they are always so wonderful. They are truly relaxing with nothing we are doing being rushed, even though we do like to get out and participate in activities. Being able to wake up whenever we want (which for the kids and I is usually by 8) and just take our time in the morning drinking coffee, making breakfast, and staying in our jammies for awhile is one of my very favorite things in the world. As a result, coast and camping trips are really my favorite vacations. Cheap, close to home, and just with the family.
So, back to Utah. The chaos really has to do with having so many people to see and trying to juggle our time and still get to do the things we want to do while keeping in mind what others can and want to do. I think the thing I hated most about our Utah trip was the all the driving from place to place. When we camp and go to the coast there is little to no driving.
I will say that our drive from Portland to Utah went very well. There was only one little meltdown, late at night on Friday because Mimi was tired but had trouble falling asleep. We pulled over, let her try to pee, gave her a few cuddles, and when we got on the road again she fell promptly asleep. I still don't love road trips with the kids, but it went pretty smoothly.
After staying in Boise for the night we headed up to Salem, Utah where Kyle's parents live. It is truly beautiful up there. I will say that it doesn't exactly please me that people are developing so far up the mountain building ridiculously big houses with basketball courts and slides in their houses. Kyle's parents, of course, don't live so far up and do not have one of those ridiculous houses, but touring farther up the mountain did disappoint me a bit.
At his parent's house we spent a lot of time with Kyle's siblings' families and that was a joy. I absolutely love Kyle's brother and his wife. I think they are a lot like us and they are such wonderful parents. I know this because they have fantastic kids! I don't know his sister and her husband quite as well, but it was fun to spend a little more time with them and they also have adorable kids including Piper who is just a bit older than Mimi. Suffice it to say that all the cousins had a blast hanging out together. When the cousins were over we pretty much set the kids loose and visited with each other to the background noise of running, jumping, and giggling.
I also really talked to Kyle's grandpa for the first time. I mean, we've met and chatted a little, but never really talked. I have to tell you, he was a hoot! Hilarious, charming, and so loving in his words towards his wife. I really enjoyed our little conversation.
After our time in Salem we headed down to my parents in Salt Lake. They just moved into a condo that is much, much smaller than anything they have lived in for awhile. I love that they are downsizing and trying to simplify their lives. I really hope it will alleviate some of the stress in their lives.
The building they live in is in downtown Salt Lake and it was so cool that we WALKED places from their house rather than driving. It is hard to believe that my parents are doing the urban thing but I think it is SO awesome.
I've really gained an appreciation for my mom and all she does in her life. She takes care of many people and though she can get testy about it I see her really having a good attitude despite the burden. She was amazing during the trip, taking care of the kids, giving us rides whenever we needed after Kyle left (he drove home a few days early and the kids and I flew home).
My sister is also amazing. She threw a big surprise birthday party for Graham and my dad. (Graham's birthday is on the 12th and my dad's is on the 25th.) She really put a lot into it and had prizes and games and a zombie themed spread. She also purchased a lot of presents for all the kids. I'm not quite sure how to show her the appreciation she deserves for that, but I know Graham is working on a heartfelt thank you note.
We also took the kids to the famous Lagoon. Lagoon is Utah's premiere amusement park and it really is a good amusement park with multiple roller coasters, a great kid's section and a pioneer village. Going to Lagoon also gave the family a chance to hang out with our favorite uncle, Nigel. Nigel isn't really my kid's uncle; he is a super close family friend who has basically become family.
The Lagoon day did end on a bad note with the day going on a little long and some meltdowns and car trouble, but the first half of the day was great.
That evening Graham and I got to hang out with my favorite cousin on my mom's side, Adam, and his wife, Cindy. It has been so long since Adam and I really hung out and I think we could have talked all night. When we were kids we were super tight, and then again in our late teens, early twentys. It was a real treat and I hope they visit us in Portland soon.
Last but not least, I finally got to spend some real quality time with my dear, dear friend Seth. Honestly, the last time we were able to really talk, without being interrupted, one on one was probably 12 or 13 years ago. Sitting there talking with him I finally felt that connection again and it was easy to remember why we were so close and got along so well together. Though in many ways our personalities are very different, we also have some deep similarities and I think the combination is what works so well.
It was a double treat because my family got to hang out with his family TWICE... AND I got some one-on-one time. His family is lovely. His wife is SO gorgeous and kind and such a good mom. His kids are sweet and adorable and got along well with Mimi. (They are young so Graham hung out with the adults more, particularly Shannon, Seth's wife. They seemed to bond.)
In terms of family, meaning my mom and dad, I think the vacation went about 2 or 3 days too long. Friday morning everyone was still happy and getting along really well, but by Friday night I think the energy draining effect of two kids were taking a toll on my parents. Conversely, I think the lack of energy and patience from my parents in those last few days were taking a toll on my kids, and the combo was taking a toll on me. But alas, that is how it is with extended family. Wonderful in small doses.
I have a million other things to say, but I think I'm going to stop there for now. Farewell until I have time to write again.
There were many golden nuggets during the vacation and I am certainly not saying it wasn't a good trip; it was. However, vacations that involve people outside our little family are always less relaxing though often exciting. I have noticed I shy away from vacationing with others. I think I'm really getting old and prefer a more calm and peaceful existence focused only on my own, immediate little family whom I love dearly.
Of course, there is always some chaos going on in our little family; we have a 4 year old. However, we know how to function as a unit. There is *usually* a flow to the way we handle the peaks and ebbs of our family time and it works and is generally very enjoyable.
I think about our coast trips and they are always so wonderful. They are truly relaxing with nothing we are doing being rushed, even though we do like to get out and participate in activities. Being able to wake up whenever we want (which for the kids and I is usually by 8) and just take our time in the morning drinking coffee, making breakfast, and staying in our jammies for awhile is one of my very favorite things in the world. As a result, coast and camping trips are really my favorite vacations. Cheap, close to home, and just with the family.
So, back to Utah. The chaos really has to do with having so many people to see and trying to juggle our time and still get to do the things we want to do while keeping in mind what others can and want to do. I think the thing I hated most about our Utah trip was the all the driving from place to place. When we camp and go to the coast there is little to no driving.
I will say that our drive from Portland to Utah went very well. There was only one little meltdown, late at night on Friday because Mimi was tired but had trouble falling asleep. We pulled over, let her try to pee, gave her a few cuddles, and when we got on the road again she fell promptly asleep. I still don't love road trips with the kids, but it went pretty smoothly.
After staying in Boise for the night we headed up to Salem, Utah where Kyle's parents live. It is truly beautiful up there. I will say that it doesn't exactly please me that people are developing so far up the mountain building ridiculously big houses with basketball courts and slides in their houses. Kyle's parents, of course, don't live so far up and do not have one of those ridiculous houses, but touring farther up the mountain did disappoint me a bit.
At his parent's house we spent a lot of time with Kyle's siblings' families and that was a joy. I absolutely love Kyle's brother and his wife. I think they are a lot like us and they are such wonderful parents. I know this because they have fantastic kids! I don't know his sister and her husband quite as well, but it was fun to spend a little more time with them and they also have adorable kids including Piper who is just a bit older than Mimi. Suffice it to say that all the cousins had a blast hanging out together. When the cousins were over we pretty much set the kids loose and visited with each other to the background noise of running, jumping, and giggling.
I also really talked to Kyle's grandpa for the first time. I mean, we've met and chatted a little, but never really talked. I have to tell you, he was a hoot! Hilarious, charming, and so loving in his words towards his wife. I really enjoyed our little conversation.
After our time in Salem we headed down to my parents in Salt Lake. They just moved into a condo that is much, much smaller than anything they have lived in for awhile. I love that they are downsizing and trying to simplify their lives. I really hope it will alleviate some of the stress in their lives.
The building they live in is in downtown Salt Lake and it was so cool that we WALKED places from their house rather than driving. It is hard to believe that my parents are doing the urban thing but I think it is SO awesome.
I've really gained an appreciation for my mom and all she does in her life. She takes care of many people and though she can get testy about it I see her really having a good attitude despite the burden. She was amazing during the trip, taking care of the kids, giving us rides whenever we needed after Kyle left (he drove home a few days early and the kids and I flew home).
My sister is also amazing. She threw a big surprise birthday party for Graham and my dad. (Graham's birthday is on the 12th and my dad's is on the 25th.) She really put a lot into it and had prizes and games and a zombie themed spread. She also purchased a lot of presents for all the kids. I'm not quite sure how to show her the appreciation she deserves for that, but I know Graham is working on a heartfelt thank you note.
We also took the kids to the famous Lagoon. Lagoon is Utah's premiere amusement park and it really is a good amusement park with multiple roller coasters, a great kid's section and a pioneer village. Going to Lagoon also gave the family a chance to hang out with our favorite uncle, Nigel. Nigel isn't really my kid's uncle; he is a super close family friend who has basically become family.
The Lagoon day did end on a bad note with the day going on a little long and some meltdowns and car trouble, but the first half of the day was great.
That evening Graham and I got to hang out with my favorite cousin on my mom's side, Adam, and his wife, Cindy. It has been so long since Adam and I really hung out and I think we could have talked all night. When we were kids we were super tight, and then again in our late teens, early twentys. It was a real treat and I hope they visit us in Portland soon.
Last but not least, I finally got to spend some real quality time with my dear, dear friend Seth. Honestly, the last time we were able to really talk, without being interrupted, one on one was probably 12 or 13 years ago. Sitting there talking with him I finally felt that connection again and it was easy to remember why we were so close and got along so well together. Though in many ways our personalities are very different, we also have some deep similarities and I think the combination is what works so well.
It was a double treat because my family got to hang out with his family TWICE... AND I got some one-on-one time. His family is lovely. His wife is SO gorgeous and kind and such a good mom. His kids are sweet and adorable and got along well with Mimi. (They are young so Graham hung out with the adults more, particularly Shannon, Seth's wife. They seemed to bond.)
In terms of family, meaning my mom and dad, I think the vacation went about 2 or 3 days too long. Friday morning everyone was still happy and getting along really well, but by Friday night I think the energy draining effect of two kids were taking a toll on my parents. Conversely, I think the lack of energy and patience from my parents in those last few days were taking a toll on my kids, and the combo was taking a toll on me. But alas, that is how it is with extended family. Wonderful in small doses.
I have a million other things to say, but I think I'm going to stop there for now. Farewell until I have time to write again.
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