When I started this entry it was Sunday and the final day of my first week of blogging. However, it is Tuesday now and I still haven't finished this entry. This shows that my original plan of writing an entry EVERY day is not going to happen; it is just unrealistic. But, writing 4 or 5 times a week is pretty good and gives me ample opportunity to communicate what is going on with me this summer. So, I will now scroll down a few paragraphs and finish my blog from Sunday adding information about the last few days.
I finished the Nathan Rabin book yesterday. It was kind of a glorious, lazy morning. I worked out first thing, but then I sat around on the patio reading and drinking coffee. I didn't do much else until we went to a friend's birthday party/bbq later that day.
Overall my perspective of the book is the same as my last post. I loved the book because I related so much to Rabin and his writing. The structure surrounding his experiences was much different than mine; I was never following bands in order to write books about obsessive fans while in my thirties. However, the experiences themselves were similar to some of mine and the way he describes them is very similar to the way I would describe my own parallel experiences. I also agree with so much of what he said or the way he sees things.
Before being done with discussing this book, I want to share one section of it.
"Something was wrong with me. Something was desperately wrong with me on the road, but I didn't know what it was. That ignorance was simultaneously terrifying and exhilarating. I am not immune to the tawdry, self-mythologizing romance of depression and mental illness. It's one of the few perks of being a crazy person.
'I think it sounds like,' my psychiatrist began brightly, 'judging from your experiences on the road, that you might have a mild case of' ---she paused dramatically, or at least it felt that way to me--- 'bipolar disorder.'
...When I told people later of the bipolar diagnosis, nobody seemed the least bit surprised. No one muttered, 'That can't be right! Not you! You seem so sane and grounded!' Instead the responses I received were more of the 'Well, duh!' and 'What took them so long to figure that shit out?' variety.
...Now I was able to put a name to that unsettling and oddly intoxicating feeling I'd been experiencing for the past few months: bipolar disorder. I was bipolar, which felt like both a cause for relief and a cause for concern.
When I mentioned the bipolar diagnosis to my therapist (I'm one of those lucky souls who gets to see both a therapist and a psychiatrist) later, she said her colleagues joked that there were primarily two kinds of bipolar disorder. There was the kind that got you promoted and the kind that got you arrested. I was pretty sure I had the first kind. I feared that unless it was treated, it would morph into the second variety. The diagnosis lent clarity to emotions I'd been experiencing over the course of the tour even if it felt a little fuzzy."
These paragraphs could seriously have been written by me. Just change "on the road" and "over the course of the tour" to "in my life" and you've got pretty much the exact same experience. I even have both a therapist and psychiatrist like Rabin. : )
Luckily for me, I found out in my early twenties, not my thirties like Rabin. For me, the diagnosis was mostly a good thing. I remember having these feelings at a pretty young age. What I really remember viscerally, however, was feeling them in my teens and the overwhelming sense that I had no control. The lack of control of my feelings and emotions and the scary unknown, not understanding why I felt that way or what the fuck was going on was horrible. The diagnosis took most of that away. I had a semblance of control because it was no longer an unknown. I knew what it was now, where it came from. I had a starting place to try and grasp it and begin to learn some control. It wasn't scary to try to control it now that I knew what it was. So much was lifted off my shoulders because of that. And even though I still had bouts of serious mania for a while after starting medication (because it takes more than medication to get it under control) they never, ever felt as bad again simply because I understood them now. So yeah, there is my tangent about me being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. A little peek into Sydney's brain. Completely moving on now...
Between the time I started this blog on Sunday and now, I read another book. Just your standard YA fiction about teenage angst. It is called "34 Pieces of You" and it was written by Carmen Rodrigues. I liked it; I even teared up a little at the end. It wasn't anything spectacular, no John Greene or anything, but it was a good, solid book that touched upon some truths for kids who are abused and/or depressed and what they go through and what can happen as a result. So, now I have to decide what book I am going to read next.
Back to Sunday: It was Mimi's first summer session soccer class. She has moved up to the next level. It was pouring rain the entire practice but strangely very warm. After soccer, since it was so rainy, I took the kids to Monster University. I wasn't too enthusiastic, thinking it wouldn't be very good, but I really liked it. It wasn't as good as the first one which was brilliant, but it was still really enjoyable. The best part, however, was looking over at Mimi and seeing how excited and happy she was watching it. She kept giggling with glee and bouncing in her over-sized movie chair. It was awesome.
Monday Graham started Zoo Camp with his buddy, Cameron. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday I am taking the boys and Cameron's mom is picking up. We are switching roles on Thursday and Friday. On Monday morning we had to get up pretty early and get our shit together because thanks to morning traffic getting all the way across town from SE Portland to the zoo takes at least a half an hour and they needed to be checked in by 9:00. It all worked out though and went pretty smoothly again this morning. It is great not having to worry about picking Graham up and having the rest of the day to do whatever I want/need.
Mimi also started her new swimming class yesterday and that's great because it is a half and hour that I get to read. She also had her second hip-hop class yesterday and she is getting better. She does a mean "Roger". Other than that, Mimi and I went to the park and hung around at home and FINALLY cleaned her disaster of a room.
This morning was weigh-in day. I haven't been perfect eating-wise the last week, but pretty damn good. I have been working out religiously and being generally active in my daily activities. Still, I wasn't sure what to expect. I am pleased to say that I am down two pounds.
Of course, there is so much more to it than the actual pounds. I don't feel thinner, and that kind of sucks. The other thing that sucks is that if I weighed what I weigh now ten years ago, my body would look AWESOME! As you get older you lose muscle mass and you have weird, loose, saggy skin from having babies and gaining and losing weight over and over again. I mean, I am two pounds away from what used to be my stopping point, the weight that left me totally satisfied with my body. I am not even close to satisfied with my body right now because it looks like it is ten pounds heavier than it did at this weight when I was younger. And the other shitty thing is, no matter how much I lose, that saggy skin will not go away. So yeah, it is kind of a bummer. But...
But, but, but...those are not things to get hung up on. I am a 38 year old woman and there is no need for a 38 year old married mom to worry too much about how she looks naked or in a bikini. What matters is that I look and feel good in clothes I like, that I am able to do all the activities I want to without struggles (other than my knee, of course, which I can't control), and that I am free of health issues and putting less weight on my knee so it will last longer before I have to get a replacement. I think those are things that I can maintain.
Tomorrow Mimi and I are probably going to Sky High, the trampoline place because that is what she wants to do. We also have plans to go to the Children's Museum on Thursday and the Zoo on Friday since we have to go up there anyway to pick up the boys both days.
I was planning on doing a 30 mile ride last Sunday, but the rain turned me off. So, I'm thinking I might see if I can do that Saturday. Of course now it is supposed to be super hot on Saturday, but I'd still like to do it. My plan is to ride the Vernonia bike trail, which I've never done before. It's 15 miles so 30 there and back. I'm hoping to get an early start so the heat won't be too much of an issue.
Finally, Graham and I are going to see the musical "The Addams Family" on Sunday night at the Keller Auditorium. The kid loves plays, what can I say? He loves musicals, comedies, and Gothic things. He particularly likes Gothic things that are kind of funny or a parody. So when he begged me to go I couldn't turn him down. It should be fun.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Friday, June 21, 2013
Summer Daily Blog #3
Well, I missed my Tuesday blog because my computer went KAPUTT! This has been a long time coming. My computer started acting weird in November and at first I assumed it was the hard drive so I was planning on buying myself a new one. As usual, however, I can never justify spending money on myself when there are bills, kid's clothes, and many other things to pay for, so I never bought one. Now I'm not sure it actually is the hard drive and it would suck to buy one and then not have that be the problem.
The computer has really gone on the fritz the last few days and Kyle and I keep talking about how I really need to back up all my stuff before I lose it all, but of course we haven't got around to it. So now, my computer will turn on, but it can't start up. Kyle is hoping there is still a way he can back up my stuff. There are so many pictures of the kids, music, movies, documents. I know, I know; I'm an idiot for not backing up everything in the first place.
Anyway, because of this I couldn't write my Wednesday blog entry last night. Today I am doing it on Kyle's computer. So, let's see; what did we do yesterday? I went to the coffee shop and read again while Mimi was at Do Jump. Graham stayed home this time. I have SO much to say about the Phish/Juggalo book I am reading, but more about that later.
After Do Jump we picked up Graham and went to Barnes and Noble. My mom recently sent both the kids gift cards so they wanted to use them. I also bought myself two YA books while we were there. We also went to Target because I really want an umbrella for our patio table so we can have shade back there when we want to. Of course with the weather lately it isn't really necessary.
So, after our retail adventures we went swimming at the community center which is always fun. Graham is on hiatus from swim classes because we just couldn't fit them in with his busy summer schedule so I want to go swimming as much as we can so he can practice and not lose his skills. Due to her swimming classes, Mimi is also getting much more comfortable and independent in the water. We are all always exhausted after swimming.
At home I worked out while Graham read and rode his bike and Mimi was so exhausted she fell asleep. This is not good. When she takes a nap too late in the day she really struggles with going to sleep at night. Sure enough she didn't fall asleep last night until 10:30.
Alright, I really, really want to talk about the book I am reading but there is so much to say and I really need to organize the information or I will just be rambling. So, I'm going to stop for now and come back later to finish the blog.
The computer has really gone on the fritz the last few days and Kyle and I keep talking about how I really need to back up all my stuff before I lose it all, but of course we haven't got around to it. So now, my computer will turn on, but it can't start up. Kyle is hoping there is still a way he can back up my stuff. There are so many pictures of the kids, music, movies, documents. I know, I know; I'm an idiot for not backing up everything in the first place.
Anyway, because of this I couldn't write my Wednesday blog entry last night. Today I am doing it on Kyle's computer. So, let's see; what did we do yesterday? I went to the coffee shop and read again while Mimi was at Do Jump. Graham stayed home this time. I have SO much to say about the Phish/Juggalo book I am reading, but more about that later.
After Do Jump we picked up Graham and went to Barnes and Noble. My mom recently sent both the kids gift cards so they wanted to use them. I also bought myself two YA books while we were there. We also went to Target because I really want an umbrella for our patio table so we can have shade back there when we want to. Of course with the weather lately it isn't really necessary.
So, after our retail adventures we went swimming at the community center which is always fun. Graham is on hiatus from swim classes because we just couldn't fit them in with his busy summer schedule so I want to go swimming as much as we can so he can practice and not lose his skills. Due to her swimming classes, Mimi is also getting much more comfortable and independent in the water. We are all always exhausted after swimming.
At home I worked out while Graham read and rode his bike and Mimi was so exhausted she fell asleep. This is not good. When she takes a nap too late in the day she really struggles with going to sleep at night. Sure enough she didn't fall asleep last night until 10:30.
Alright, I really, really want to talk about the book I am reading but there is so much to say and I really need to organize the information or I will just be rambling. So, I'm going to stop for now and come back later to finish the blog.
Summer Daily Blog #4
So, I never returned to yesterday's blog to finish it. Discussing this book I am so engrossed in is exciting but daunting. I have a lot to say about it. So, before I begin I'm going to update the other aspects of my last few days.
The kids and I didn't really do much of anything interesting yesterday. Graham had a play date with a friend and Mimi and I just hung around the house cleaning and playing. Today, however, was a great day. It was Mimi's last Do Jump class and they gave a little performance which I video taped and hope to post on facebook soon. The kids were adorable and it was obvious that Mimi was super excited. Graham was also really excited for her which was super cute.
After Mimi's performance we all went to Krueger's Farm on Sauvie Island. We picked fresh blackberries, strawberries, and raspberries. It is amazing how much better fresh picked berries taste compare to grocery store bought, so good! Now I just want to eat nothing but the berries for the rest of the day.
We also packed a lunch and ate under our favorite tree on the farm. Sitting there, under that tree, looking at the breathtaking view of the hills and the trees and the quaint little farm houses in the sun was perfect. When the school year is almost over and I am desperately awaiting summer, imagining what I want summer to be, this is it. Sitting under an amazing tree surrounded by amazing beauty eating pb and js and berries with my two wonderful children.
After eating lunch and visiting the chickens and cows we headed to the Sauvie Island beach on the Columbia River. It wasn't super hot today so we weren't actually swimming or anything, but we spent an hour there playing in the sand and wading in the river and chasing each other around. It was wonderful.
Of course after such a busy day, Mimi fell asleep in the car. I'm done fighting her natural inclinations. It's summer; we can go with the flow. Since she napped she will not fall asleep until late tonight, but tomorrow is Saturday and she can sleep in as late as she needs to sleep.
In other good news my body has finally acclimated to the new, healthier amount of food I've been eating. For a few days there I was just hungry all the time. My body has "clicked" now and feels satiated by appropriate amounts of food. Obviously, activity hasn't been a problem and the beer ban is going strong. I haven't actually had any alcohol, though I figured if the need presented itself I could have a gin and soda with lime. So far, though, I've been fine without partaking...it is the weekend however. : )
So, the book. The book is called You Don't Know Me But You Don't Like Me and as stated before it is by Nathan Rabin. I guess the first thing is how much I relate to Rabin and how he writes. Rather than writing an anthropological/sociological study of Phish and ICP fans, he wrote a book of his own musings and thoughts about life and himself. That is exactly the kind of writing I do which I've come to assume no one else would really want to read. I mean, how self-absorbed. Yet, I am enjoying reading his musings immensely so, maybe others would enjoy my musings. But I digress.
Rabin is basically sewing his wild oats during the course of this book, but rather than doing it at 18 or even 25, he is doing it in his thirties after already establishing a professional career for himself. As he discusses his at times fun, deep, intense, and horrifying adventures I can't help but compare them to my own, when I "sewed my wild oats". A lot of what he experiences is very similar to what I experienced, not only externally but also internally. Some of the things he says really resonate with me as spot on. For instance: "Drug friendships all too often consist of two people tricking themselves into thinking they're less alone by sharing their vices." Totally true and totally reminds me of a friendship I once had with a girl named Hillary. Having said that, I have good friends that I did lots of drugs with but the friendships were real; they weren't "drug friendships". But there are friendships that are purely based on the shared drug use.
While discussing an experience at a Phish show and Phish fans in general he says, "Every Phish fan has that ultimate Phish story, that time they risked losing their job or skipped their best friend's wedding or gave up an opportunity to make a lot of money because it was more important for them to drive fifteen hours with their buddy to hit some show that would live forever in their memories..." Now, I would not describe myself as a Phish fan, not now, not ever. But I liked Phish and definitely digged the Phish culture. Some of my dearest friends were huge Phish fans and that is how I got involved in the scene. It wasn't constant either; I dipped into the scene here and there, saw a few shows. However, I have one of those Phish memories, like Rabin describes above, when I was a student at the University of Washington in Seattle.
My best friend and his brother and brother's friends were going to Phish concerts in Spokane and Missoula. Frankly, I'm not even sure if I have the cities right. I think they picked me up in Seattle, but I'm not even sure about that either. All I know is it was fairly unplanned. They said they were passing through, did I want to go to these Phish concerts with them, and I was like "Ok".
My friend and I didn't have tickets for the Spokane show, only the rest of the gang had them. We were hoping we could score some tickets when we got there, but we never did. So, we hung out in the "Lot", smoked weed and philosophized as the two of us were prone to do. I remember telling him something pretty personal that night, something so personal I won't share it here. But it was something I never really talked much to anyone about, and when I did it was just "Yeah, I did this." I never talked about the feelings or issues behind it except this one night with him. To this day I think that was the only time I really talked about how I felt about it.
You see? Memories. Rabin talks about how the Phish experience isn't only about the music, but about the people and relationships and shared experiences; they stick with you. Frankly, for me it was never much about the music.
Anyway, we traveled on to Missoula where all of us had or got tickets and it was a really great show. However, I had not planned at all on how to get back Seattle. In fact, if I remember correctly I was originally only planning on going to Spokane with them then heading back but decided to skip some school and go on to Missoula with them.
When it was time to go I assured them that I was a big girl and I would find my way back to Seattle. I ended up having my sister wire me some money and taking the Greyhound back. So yeah, I had my "drop everything and just go to a Phish show" experience too.
Ok, I told you it would be hard to organize all the thoughts I had about this book well. Instead it is just turning into tangents, which I knew it would.
So, going into this book I was actually much more intrigued by the ICP (Insane Clown Posse) fans than the Phish fans because I already know a lot about Phish culture but not Juggalo culture. Right away Rabin portrayed a very sympathetic view of Juggalos. I think this ties right into the title of the book. Juggalos are widely reviled except by themselves and Rabin is trying to make the point that people are unfairly judging something they don't know or understand. I can buy into that a little bit. What Rabin says makes sense and I have definitely felt sympathy for both the members of ICP themselves as well as the fans while reading this book. I can also see the appeal of the whole ICP mythos. I dig the whole creepy, gothic, evil carnival thing. Stories, books, and movies that employ this gimmick have always been entertaining to me. So yeah, even if the music sucks I can see how creepy carnival festivals could be fun.
As the book goes on, however, and Rabin starts to describe actual events at the Juggalo festivals and some things the fans actually did, my sympathy waned a bit. While simultaneously understanding that Juggalos are people too and have issues and reasons and back stories I also understand that much of the stereotype is true. Stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason, after all. And frankly, I don't love a lot of what that subculture is about even if they had hardships that led them to behave that way.
To an extent I feel the same way about the Phish subculture. Rabin completely bought into it, the whole drug/music/spirituality/community gig. He describes it the way my friends and I described it when we were in it. But as an adult I know better. That is not to say that none of it was real or authentic, but a lot of it was being high on drugs. And frankly, some "hippies" are selfish and will screw you for what they want. It's not all true community and charity.
To be fair, Rabin went through all this fairly recently and going through all this gave him an epiphany about his own life that ended up being very beneficial. So, maybe as time passes he will see/remember the other side of this culture as well, but for now he is basking in the glow of the epiphany. I mean, I did have experiences on drugs and in drug induced subcultural situations that caused me to reflect on life and myself and those reflections were real and gave me insight that holds true today, so I'm not saying it's all bullshit or anything. I just know it is not all peaches and cream, that's all.
I'm still not completely done with the book, so my perspectives might slightly change by the end and I'm sure I will have more to say. I respect that Rabin is being respectful of these two subcultures; trying to advocate for them in a way. They are full of humans and humanity and pure, complete cynicism is never a good thing. I appreciate the truth, kindness, and understanding of his assessments of these cultures. Frankly, I was part of a subculture similar to both of these and I feel immense shame about it. That shame, however, is purely a result of worrying that OTHER people would find it shameful. I mean, there are aspects that I think were shameful, but there was also a lot of fun and growth and learning. So, I want to be assessed with truth, kindness, and understanding by those who might know or find out about my past as well.
Overall though, my favorite part about this book is Rabin's self discovery and how much I relate to it and how he thinks. It is just much too much for me to even communicate. Maybe by the end of the book I will be able to explain it.
The kids and I didn't really do much of anything interesting yesterday. Graham had a play date with a friend and Mimi and I just hung around the house cleaning and playing. Today, however, was a great day. It was Mimi's last Do Jump class and they gave a little performance which I video taped and hope to post on facebook soon. The kids were adorable and it was obvious that Mimi was super excited. Graham was also really excited for her which was super cute.
After Mimi's performance we all went to Krueger's Farm on Sauvie Island. We picked fresh blackberries, strawberries, and raspberries. It is amazing how much better fresh picked berries taste compare to grocery store bought, so good! Now I just want to eat nothing but the berries for the rest of the day.
We also packed a lunch and ate under our favorite tree on the farm. Sitting there, under that tree, looking at the breathtaking view of the hills and the trees and the quaint little farm houses in the sun was perfect. When the school year is almost over and I am desperately awaiting summer, imagining what I want summer to be, this is it. Sitting under an amazing tree surrounded by amazing beauty eating pb and js and berries with my two wonderful children.
After eating lunch and visiting the chickens and cows we headed to the Sauvie Island beach on the Columbia River. It wasn't super hot today so we weren't actually swimming or anything, but we spent an hour there playing in the sand and wading in the river and chasing each other around. It was wonderful.
Of course after such a busy day, Mimi fell asleep in the car. I'm done fighting her natural inclinations. It's summer; we can go with the flow. Since she napped she will not fall asleep until late tonight, but tomorrow is Saturday and she can sleep in as late as she needs to sleep.
In other good news my body has finally acclimated to the new, healthier amount of food I've been eating. For a few days there I was just hungry all the time. My body has "clicked" now and feels satiated by appropriate amounts of food. Obviously, activity hasn't been a problem and the beer ban is going strong. I haven't actually had any alcohol, though I figured if the need presented itself I could have a gin and soda with lime. So far, though, I've been fine without partaking...it is the weekend however. : )
So, the book. The book is called You Don't Know Me But You Don't Like Me and as stated before it is by Nathan Rabin. I guess the first thing is how much I relate to Rabin and how he writes. Rather than writing an anthropological/sociological study of Phish and ICP fans, he wrote a book of his own musings and thoughts about life and himself. That is exactly the kind of writing I do which I've come to assume no one else would really want to read. I mean, how self-absorbed. Yet, I am enjoying reading his musings immensely so, maybe others would enjoy my musings. But I digress.
Rabin is basically sewing his wild oats during the course of this book, but rather than doing it at 18 or even 25, he is doing it in his thirties after already establishing a professional career for himself. As he discusses his at times fun, deep, intense, and horrifying adventures I can't help but compare them to my own, when I "sewed my wild oats". A lot of what he experiences is very similar to what I experienced, not only externally but also internally. Some of the things he says really resonate with me as spot on. For instance: "Drug friendships all too often consist of two people tricking themselves into thinking they're less alone by sharing their vices." Totally true and totally reminds me of a friendship I once had with a girl named Hillary. Having said that, I have good friends that I did lots of drugs with but the friendships were real; they weren't "drug friendships". But there are friendships that are purely based on the shared drug use.
While discussing an experience at a Phish show and Phish fans in general he says, "Every Phish fan has that ultimate Phish story, that time they risked losing their job or skipped their best friend's wedding or gave up an opportunity to make a lot of money because it was more important for them to drive fifteen hours with their buddy to hit some show that would live forever in their memories..." Now, I would not describe myself as a Phish fan, not now, not ever. But I liked Phish and definitely digged the Phish culture. Some of my dearest friends were huge Phish fans and that is how I got involved in the scene. It wasn't constant either; I dipped into the scene here and there, saw a few shows. However, I have one of those Phish memories, like Rabin describes above, when I was a student at the University of Washington in Seattle.
My best friend and his brother and brother's friends were going to Phish concerts in Spokane and Missoula. Frankly, I'm not even sure if I have the cities right. I think they picked me up in Seattle, but I'm not even sure about that either. All I know is it was fairly unplanned. They said they were passing through, did I want to go to these Phish concerts with them, and I was like "Ok".
My friend and I didn't have tickets for the Spokane show, only the rest of the gang had them. We were hoping we could score some tickets when we got there, but we never did. So, we hung out in the "Lot", smoked weed and philosophized as the two of us were prone to do. I remember telling him something pretty personal that night, something so personal I won't share it here. But it was something I never really talked much to anyone about, and when I did it was just "Yeah, I did this." I never talked about the feelings or issues behind it except this one night with him. To this day I think that was the only time I really talked about how I felt about it.
You see? Memories. Rabin talks about how the Phish experience isn't only about the music, but about the people and relationships and shared experiences; they stick with you. Frankly, for me it was never much about the music.
Anyway, we traveled on to Missoula where all of us had or got tickets and it was a really great show. However, I had not planned at all on how to get back Seattle. In fact, if I remember correctly I was originally only planning on going to Spokane with them then heading back but decided to skip some school and go on to Missoula with them.
When it was time to go I assured them that I was a big girl and I would find my way back to Seattle. I ended up having my sister wire me some money and taking the Greyhound back. So yeah, I had my "drop everything and just go to a Phish show" experience too.
Ok, I told you it would be hard to organize all the thoughts I had about this book well. Instead it is just turning into tangents, which I knew it would.
So, going into this book I was actually much more intrigued by the ICP (Insane Clown Posse) fans than the Phish fans because I already know a lot about Phish culture but not Juggalo culture. Right away Rabin portrayed a very sympathetic view of Juggalos. I think this ties right into the title of the book. Juggalos are widely reviled except by themselves and Rabin is trying to make the point that people are unfairly judging something they don't know or understand. I can buy into that a little bit. What Rabin says makes sense and I have definitely felt sympathy for both the members of ICP themselves as well as the fans while reading this book. I can also see the appeal of the whole ICP mythos. I dig the whole creepy, gothic, evil carnival thing. Stories, books, and movies that employ this gimmick have always been entertaining to me. So yeah, even if the music sucks I can see how creepy carnival festivals could be fun.
As the book goes on, however, and Rabin starts to describe actual events at the Juggalo festivals and some things the fans actually did, my sympathy waned a bit. While simultaneously understanding that Juggalos are people too and have issues and reasons and back stories I also understand that much of the stereotype is true. Stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason, after all. And frankly, I don't love a lot of what that subculture is about even if they had hardships that led them to behave that way.
To an extent I feel the same way about the Phish subculture. Rabin completely bought into it, the whole drug/music/spirituality/community gig. He describes it the way my friends and I described it when we were in it. But as an adult I know better. That is not to say that none of it was real or authentic, but a lot of it was being high on drugs. And frankly, some "hippies" are selfish and will screw you for what they want. It's not all true community and charity.
To be fair, Rabin went through all this fairly recently and going through all this gave him an epiphany about his own life that ended up being very beneficial. So, maybe as time passes he will see/remember the other side of this culture as well, but for now he is basking in the glow of the epiphany. I mean, I did have experiences on drugs and in drug induced subcultural situations that caused me to reflect on life and myself and those reflections were real and gave me insight that holds true today, so I'm not saying it's all bullshit or anything. I just know it is not all peaches and cream, that's all.
I'm still not completely done with the book, so my perspectives might slightly change by the end and I'm sure I will have more to say. I respect that Rabin is being respectful of these two subcultures; trying to advocate for them in a way. They are full of humans and humanity and pure, complete cynicism is never a good thing. I appreciate the truth, kindness, and understanding of his assessments of these cultures. Frankly, I was part of a subculture similar to both of these and I feel immense shame about it. That shame, however, is purely a result of worrying that OTHER people would find it shameful. I mean, there are aspects that I think were shameful, but there was also a lot of fun and growth and learning. So, I want to be assessed with truth, kindness, and understanding by those who might know or find out about my past as well.
Overall though, my favorite part about this book is Rabin's self discovery and how much I relate to it and how he thinks. It is just much too much for me to even communicate. Maybe by the end of the book I will be able to explain it.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Summer Daily Blog Post #2
I got up this morning and worked out before the kids got up. That was awesome. I'm hoping I can pull that off every day. It makes you feel good the rest of the day when you work out first thing.
While Mimi was at Do Jump class, Graham and I sat at the Peet's Coffee on the corner, me sipping coffee and Graham sipping a Chai Latte, each quietly reading our own book. There is something really wonderful about sitting quietly with your kid at a coffee shop while both of you read. I find that special somehow and feel a little pride about it too.
Speaking of reading, I finished the book "Freewill" and have to say that it was unsatisfying. Generally character's are what make me love a story. I need to relate to the characters or care about them, at least identify with them on some basic human level. This book was told completely from the perspective of the main character and a lot of it focused around his thoughts rather than dialogue. You would think that would create a well developed character, but it didn't. So basically, I didn't really care about or identify with any of the characters. So, it was only the mystery in the story that kept me reading. I really wanted to find out what the protagonist's issues were all about and what was behind the string of suicides in the town. In the end, nothing was really explained. So I was left with characters I didn't care about and no answers to the many questions raised in the story. Very unsatisfying. However, I have a new book that I am very excited about.
After Graham and I finished reading at the coffee shop we went over to Powell's (on Hawthorne) to kill some more time until Mimi's class was over. I ended up buying a biographical non-fiction book written by Nathan Rabin. Now I'm not really one for non-fiction but this book looked so interesting to me. Nathan Rabin writes for The Onion among other things. He decided he wanted to do an anthropological study of obsessive music fans, particularly those fans of Phish and Insane Clown Posse. So, he immersed himself in the culture of both (separately of course). The book ended up being less anthropological and more a weird self-discovery narrative within these new settings.
I've only read about four chapters, but I'm already hooked and I already really relate to Rabin. I'm well versed in the Phish culture as I partook in it myself, not as a hardcore fan, but I was there and a peripheral participator. Reading his take on this I was constantly nodding my head because he saw and felt it very similarly to the way I did. Then there is the other subculture, somewhat antithetical and yet with uncanny similarities, the Juggalos.
The Juggalos are a favorite topic of ridicule for my husband and I. I guess they are a favorite topic of ridicule for many people. Yet, they are fascinating and I am VERY curious about the genesis of the culture. So intriguing. That is all I will say for now until I read more. So, back to my day.
After picking Mimi up from class we headed to OMSI for the mummy exhibit. We went the last time it came through OMSI as well but it was MUCH better this time. It was bigger; there were a lot more mummies and some were very creepy. The coolest part was the fairly recently discovered European mummies that were found in the basement of a German museum. They were mummified naturally, not purposely. So, scientists were actually able to discover exactly who they were, their names, occupations, everything. Three were a family: mom, husband, and child.
After the mummy exhibit we enjoyed all the usual stuff at OMSI. I swear my kids could stay there all day, but I can't. I get bored and tired. So, we eventually came home and I took a nap.
I've been so tired the last few days and so hungry and I'm not sure why. Yes, I have been eating healthier and more appropriate portions that maybe my body isn't quite used to yet, but it doesn't make sense that I am THIS hungry. Also, I've been exercising and getting enough sleep so why am I so tired? I did have a bit of a sore throat and stuffy nose this morning and Mimi was incredibly tired yesterday and may have a little cold so maybe I do as well. That could be the culprit of the hunger and fatigue.
So that's it for today. Now I'm going to read more about the Juggalos. So excited!
While Mimi was at Do Jump class, Graham and I sat at the Peet's Coffee on the corner, me sipping coffee and Graham sipping a Chai Latte, each quietly reading our own book. There is something really wonderful about sitting quietly with your kid at a coffee shop while both of you read. I find that special somehow and feel a little pride about it too.
Speaking of reading, I finished the book "Freewill" and have to say that it was unsatisfying. Generally character's are what make me love a story. I need to relate to the characters or care about them, at least identify with them on some basic human level. This book was told completely from the perspective of the main character and a lot of it focused around his thoughts rather than dialogue. You would think that would create a well developed character, but it didn't. So basically, I didn't really care about or identify with any of the characters. So, it was only the mystery in the story that kept me reading. I really wanted to find out what the protagonist's issues were all about and what was behind the string of suicides in the town. In the end, nothing was really explained. So I was left with characters I didn't care about and no answers to the many questions raised in the story. Very unsatisfying. However, I have a new book that I am very excited about.
After Graham and I finished reading at the coffee shop we went over to Powell's (on Hawthorne) to kill some more time until Mimi's class was over. I ended up buying a biographical non-fiction book written by Nathan Rabin. Now I'm not really one for non-fiction but this book looked so interesting to me. Nathan Rabin writes for The Onion among other things. He decided he wanted to do an anthropological study of obsessive music fans, particularly those fans of Phish and Insane Clown Posse. So, he immersed himself in the culture of both (separately of course). The book ended up being less anthropological and more a weird self-discovery narrative within these new settings.
I've only read about four chapters, but I'm already hooked and I already really relate to Rabin. I'm well versed in the Phish culture as I partook in it myself, not as a hardcore fan, but I was there and a peripheral participator. Reading his take on this I was constantly nodding my head because he saw and felt it very similarly to the way I did. Then there is the other subculture, somewhat antithetical and yet with uncanny similarities, the Juggalos.
The Juggalos are a favorite topic of ridicule for my husband and I. I guess they are a favorite topic of ridicule for many people. Yet, they are fascinating and I am VERY curious about the genesis of the culture. So intriguing. That is all I will say for now until I read more. So, back to my day.
After picking Mimi up from class we headed to OMSI for the mummy exhibit. We went the last time it came through OMSI as well but it was MUCH better this time. It was bigger; there were a lot more mummies and some were very creepy. The coolest part was the fairly recently discovered European mummies that were found in the basement of a German museum. They were mummified naturally, not purposely. So, scientists were actually able to discover exactly who they were, their names, occupations, everything. Three were a family: mom, husband, and child.
After the mummy exhibit we enjoyed all the usual stuff at OMSI. I swear my kids could stay there all day, but I can't. I get bored and tired. So, we eventually came home and I took a nap.
I've been so tired the last few days and so hungry and I'm not sure why. Yes, I have been eating healthier and more appropriate portions that maybe my body isn't quite used to yet, but it doesn't make sense that I am THIS hungry. Also, I've been exercising and getting enough sleep so why am I so tired? I did have a bit of a sore throat and stuffy nose this morning and Mimi was incredibly tired yesterday and may have a little cold so maybe I do as well. That could be the culprit of the hunger and fatigue.
So that's it for today. Now I'm going to read more about the Juggalos. So excited!
Monday, June 17, 2013
Summer 2013 Post #1
I've decided I'm going to keep a daily blog this summer. I guess it will be more of a journal than anything else...maybe not that interesting for anyone else to read but good for me to just write.
One thing I'm going to do on this summer blog is keep track of all the books I read. I've been horrible about reading during the school year. I get all hung up on tv shows and since the only free time I have during the school year is at night before I go to bed I spend it watching those tv shows instead of reading. Even though I love reading and I'm a reading teacher, when I get out of the habit it can be a struggle to get back into it. I have all these books but none seem that appealing and if I do start one I often quit because many books don't "hook" you until you are through the introduction and I get to be a lazy reader. So....
It is summer, and I have lots of time and I ALWAYS devour books in the summer. I decided I would just start picking up the books I have one by one and reading them. Start to finish, no matter what. I actually started a little early and read a book from my school library that was recommended to me. It was called "Wonder" and I absolutely loved it. I'm going to make Graham read it.
Currently, however, I am reading a book called "Freewill". I am a little more than halfway through and it is a very strange book. I will have to finish it before I can decide if I like it or not, but it definitely has me interested.
Another thing I want to keep track of on this blog is health. This March when I found out just how bad my knee really is and that I should not run anymore, AT ALL, I decided to get really serious about biking again and my health. I lost a whole bunch of weight and it was very satisfying when I went to visit friends and family in Utah and many of them noticed. Then, I got back and school got crazy and stressful and I gained it all back and the whole plan went to hell. So I'm DETERMINED to use this summer to get back into super healthy eating habits and to get my body, particularly my legs, super strong.
The last week of school always has lots of festivities and DRINKING and then we went camping last weekend which consists of smores and DRINKING and I just wanted to enjoy myself so I decided to start my healthy eating today, the first Monday of summer break. I've also decided no beer for two weeks which is no easy task because I LOVE beer.
So, today, day one, I've done a good job of eating appropriately and though I didn't do an official "workout" I still got plenty of exercise biking, walking, dancing, and playing with my kiddos outside today. That is my health's one saving grace, that I am a naturally active person despite my food addiction. If I wasn't I would probably be obese.
Finally, I just want to document the fun and relaxation this summer. Today was a great start. It was a joy watching Mimi in her Do Jump class which is an acrobatics/trapeze class. Mimi also had her first hip-hop class today and my cheeks hurt from smiling so much as I watched it.
The kids and I went for a bike ride today as well as playing at Laurelhurst playground and taking a little hike through the park and around the duck pond. I also got a lot of cleaning and laundry done today. I wanted to get it out of the way so I can just enjoy the rest of the week. That is one of the many wonderful things about summer, I have time to keep the house clean on a daily basis so it never gets out of hand after I clean it the first time at the beginning of the summer.
So, there it is, post #1 for the summer. I'm excited to document the next ten weeks and all the lovely adventures I hope to have.
One thing I'm going to do on this summer blog is keep track of all the books I read. I've been horrible about reading during the school year. I get all hung up on tv shows and since the only free time I have during the school year is at night before I go to bed I spend it watching those tv shows instead of reading. Even though I love reading and I'm a reading teacher, when I get out of the habit it can be a struggle to get back into it. I have all these books but none seem that appealing and if I do start one I often quit because many books don't "hook" you until you are through the introduction and I get to be a lazy reader. So....
It is summer, and I have lots of time and I ALWAYS devour books in the summer. I decided I would just start picking up the books I have one by one and reading them. Start to finish, no matter what. I actually started a little early and read a book from my school library that was recommended to me. It was called "Wonder" and I absolutely loved it. I'm going to make Graham read it.
Currently, however, I am reading a book called "Freewill". I am a little more than halfway through and it is a very strange book. I will have to finish it before I can decide if I like it or not, but it definitely has me interested.
Another thing I want to keep track of on this blog is health. This March when I found out just how bad my knee really is and that I should not run anymore, AT ALL, I decided to get really serious about biking again and my health. I lost a whole bunch of weight and it was very satisfying when I went to visit friends and family in Utah and many of them noticed. Then, I got back and school got crazy and stressful and I gained it all back and the whole plan went to hell. So I'm DETERMINED to use this summer to get back into super healthy eating habits and to get my body, particularly my legs, super strong.
The last week of school always has lots of festivities and DRINKING and then we went camping last weekend which consists of smores and DRINKING and I just wanted to enjoy myself so I decided to start my healthy eating today, the first Monday of summer break. I've also decided no beer for two weeks which is no easy task because I LOVE beer.
So, today, day one, I've done a good job of eating appropriately and though I didn't do an official "workout" I still got plenty of exercise biking, walking, dancing, and playing with my kiddos outside today. That is my health's one saving grace, that I am a naturally active person despite my food addiction. If I wasn't I would probably be obese.
Finally, I just want to document the fun and relaxation this summer. Today was a great start. It was a joy watching Mimi in her Do Jump class which is an acrobatics/trapeze class. Mimi also had her first hip-hop class today and my cheeks hurt from smiling so much as I watched it.
The kids and I went for a bike ride today as well as playing at Laurelhurst playground and taking a little hike through the park and around the duck pond. I also got a lot of cleaning and laundry done today. I wanted to get it out of the way so I can just enjoy the rest of the week. That is one of the many wonderful things about summer, I have time to keep the house clean on a daily basis so it never gets out of hand after I clean it the first time at the beginning of the summer.
So, there it is, post #1 for the summer. I'm excited to document the next ten weeks and all the lovely adventures I hope to have.
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