So, I never returned to yesterday's blog to finish it. Discussing this book I am so engrossed in is exciting but daunting. I have a lot to say about it. So, before I begin I'm going to update the other aspects of my last few days.
The kids and I didn't really do much of anything interesting yesterday. Graham had a play date with a friend and Mimi and I just hung around the house cleaning and playing. Today, however, was a great day. It was Mimi's last Do Jump class and they gave a little performance which I video taped and hope to post on facebook soon. The kids were adorable and it was obvious that Mimi was super excited. Graham was also really excited for her which was super cute.
After Mimi's performance we all went to Krueger's Farm on Sauvie Island. We picked fresh blackberries, strawberries, and raspberries. It is amazing how much better fresh picked berries taste compare to grocery store bought, so good! Now I just want to eat nothing but the berries for the rest of the day.
We also packed a lunch and ate under our favorite tree on the farm. Sitting there, under that tree, looking at the breathtaking view of the hills and the trees and the quaint little farm houses in the sun was perfect. When the school year is almost over and I am desperately awaiting summer, imagining what I want summer to be, this is it. Sitting under an amazing tree surrounded by amazing beauty eating pb and js and berries with my two wonderful children.
After eating lunch and visiting the chickens and cows we headed to the Sauvie Island beach on the Columbia River. It wasn't super hot today so we weren't actually swimming or anything, but we spent an hour there playing in the sand and wading in the river and chasing each other around. It was wonderful.
Of course after such a busy day, Mimi fell asleep in the car. I'm done fighting her natural inclinations. It's summer; we can go with the flow. Since she napped she will not fall asleep until late tonight, but tomorrow is Saturday and she can sleep in as late as she needs to sleep.
In other good news my body has finally acclimated to the new, healthier amount of food I've been eating. For a few days there I was just hungry all the time. My body has "clicked" now and feels satiated by appropriate amounts of food. Obviously, activity hasn't been a problem and the beer ban is going strong. I haven't actually had any alcohol, though I figured if the need presented itself I could have a gin and soda with lime. So far, though, I've been fine without partaking...it is the weekend however. : )
So, the book. The book is called You Don't Know Me But You Don't Like Me and as stated before it is by Nathan Rabin. I guess the first thing is how much I relate to Rabin and how he writes. Rather than writing an anthropological/sociological study of Phish and ICP fans, he wrote a book of his own musings and thoughts about life and himself. That is exactly the kind of writing I do which I've come to assume no one else would really want to read. I mean, how self-absorbed. Yet, I am enjoying reading his musings immensely so, maybe others would enjoy my musings. But I digress.
Rabin is basically sewing his wild oats during the course of this book, but rather than doing it at 18 or even 25, he is doing it in his thirties after already establishing a professional career for himself. As he discusses his at times fun, deep, intense, and horrifying adventures I can't help but compare them to my own, when I "sewed my wild oats". A lot of what he experiences is very similar to what I experienced, not only externally but also internally. Some of the things he says really resonate with me as spot on. For instance: "Drug friendships all too often consist of two people tricking themselves into thinking they're less alone by sharing their vices." Totally true and totally reminds me of a friendship I once had with a girl named Hillary. Having said that, I have good friends that I did lots of drugs with but the friendships were real; they weren't "drug friendships". But there are friendships that are purely based on the shared drug use.
While discussing an experience at a Phish show and Phish fans in general he says, "Every Phish fan has that ultimate Phish story, that time they risked losing their job or skipped their best friend's wedding or gave up an opportunity to make a lot of money because it was more important for them to drive fifteen hours with their buddy to hit some show that would live forever in their memories..." Now, I would not describe myself as a Phish fan, not now, not ever. But I liked Phish and definitely digged the Phish culture. Some of my dearest friends were huge Phish fans and that is how I got involved in the scene. It wasn't constant either; I dipped into the scene here and there, saw a few shows. However, I have one of those Phish memories, like Rabin describes above, when I was a student at the University of Washington in Seattle.
My best friend and his brother and brother's friends were going to Phish concerts in Spokane and Missoula. Frankly, I'm not even sure if I have the cities right. I think they picked me up in Seattle, but I'm not even sure about that either. All I know is it was fairly unplanned. They said they were passing through, did I want to go to these Phish concerts with them, and I was like "Ok".
My friend and I didn't have tickets for the Spokane show, only the rest of the gang had them. We were hoping we could score some tickets when we got there, but we never did. So, we hung out in the "Lot", smoked weed and philosophized as the two of us were prone to do. I remember telling him something pretty personal that night, something so personal I won't share it here. But it was something I never really talked much to anyone about, and when I did it was just "Yeah, I did this." I never talked about the feelings or issues behind it except this one night with him. To this day I think that was the only time I really talked about how I felt about it.
You see? Memories. Rabin talks about how the Phish experience isn't only about the music, but about the people and relationships and shared experiences; they stick with you. Frankly, for me it was never much about the music.
Anyway, we traveled on to Missoula where all of us had or got tickets and it was a really great show. However, I had not planned at all on how to get back Seattle. In fact, if I remember correctly I was originally only planning on going to Spokane with them then heading back but decided to skip some school and go on to Missoula with them.
When it was time to go I assured them that I was a big girl and I would find my way back to Seattle. I ended up having my sister wire me some money and taking the Greyhound back. So yeah, I had my "drop everything and just go to a Phish show" experience too.
Ok, I told you it would be hard to organize all the thoughts I had about this book well. Instead it is just turning into tangents, which I knew it would.
So, going into this book I was actually much more intrigued by the ICP (Insane Clown Posse) fans than the Phish fans because I already know a lot about Phish culture but not Juggalo culture. Right away Rabin portrayed a very sympathetic view of Juggalos. I think this ties right into the title of the book. Juggalos are widely reviled except by themselves and Rabin is trying to make the point that people are unfairly judging something they don't know or understand. I can buy into that a little bit. What Rabin says makes sense and I have definitely felt sympathy for both the members of ICP themselves as well as the fans while reading this book. I can also see the appeal of the whole ICP mythos. I dig the whole creepy, gothic, evil carnival thing. Stories, books, and movies that employ this gimmick have always been entertaining to me. So yeah, even if the music sucks I can see how creepy carnival festivals could be fun.
As the book goes on, however, and Rabin starts to describe actual events at the Juggalo festivals and some things the fans actually did, my sympathy waned a bit. While simultaneously understanding that Juggalos are people too and have issues and reasons and back stories I also understand that much of the stereotype is true. Stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason, after all. And frankly, I don't love a lot of what that subculture is about even if they had hardships that led them to behave that way.
To an extent I feel the same way about the Phish subculture. Rabin completely bought into it, the whole drug/music/spirituality/community gig. He describes it the way my friends and I described it when we were in it. But as an adult I know better. That is not to say that none of it was real or authentic, but a lot of it was being high on drugs. And frankly, some "hippies" are selfish and will screw you for what they want. It's not all true community and charity.
To be fair, Rabin went through all this fairly recently and going through all this gave him an epiphany about his own life that ended up being very beneficial. So, maybe as time passes he will see/remember the other side of this culture as well, but for now he is basking in the glow of the epiphany. I mean, I did have experiences on drugs and in drug induced subcultural situations that caused me to reflect on life and myself and those reflections were real and gave me insight that holds true today, so I'm not saying it's all bullshit or anything. I just know it is not all peaches and cream, that's all.
I'm still not completely done with the book, so my perspectives might slightly change by the end and I'm sure I will have more to say. I respect that Rabin is being respectful of these two subcultures; trying to advocate for them in a way. They are full of humans and humanity and pure, complete cynicism is never a good thing. I appreciate the truth, kindness, and understanding of his assessments of these cultures. Frankly, I was part of a subculture similar to both of these and I feel immense shame about it. That shame, however, is purely a result of worrying that OTHER people would find it shameful. I mean, there are aspects that I think were shameful, but there was also a lot of fun and growth and learning. So, I want to be assessed with truth, kindness, and understanding by those who might know or find out about my past as well.
Overall though, my favorite part about this book is Rabin's self discovery and how much I relate to it and how he thinks. It is just much too much for me to even communicate. Maybe by the end of the book I will be able to explain it.
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